In today’s sexualized culture, exposure to pornography seems almost inevitable in the life of a student.[1] The deception of sexual immorality and its implications in a young person’s life can set them on a trajectory of pain and hardship. There is hope! Students are living in a season of potential and need not be constrained by the harvest of a sinful life. Therefore, the student who resolves to battle pornography according to God’s design at a young age will find help for today and at the same time build a solid foundation for their lifetime. However, the discouragement and deception in the process of battling pornography can cause a student to quickly surrender to the battle before it begins. This post is designed to help students obey 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 and 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 through providing practical tactics for battling pornography and moving towards a fulfilling and Godward life in a hyper-sexualized culture.[2]
Ask God and Friends for Help
Asking for help is hard. However, the most powerful response to pornographic sexual temptation is to ask God for help. Humanity is not able to combat the desires of the flesh without God working within them. Only through the transformative work of the gospel can desires be reformed. Therefore, the most foundational place in the battle against pornography is acknowledging that you can’t do it on your own. God is ever-present and able to give grace and help in time of need. Humbling oneself and embracing dependence over independence moves the heart and life away from the deceptions of the pornographic life.
Pornography is built on deception and secrecy. On the other hand, there is a transformative effect of living in the Truth. For many students, sharing this struggle with a trusted friend is the most difficult step in their fight against the temptation of pornography. However, God has designed life to be lived through meaningful connections of friendships committed to mutual sanctification. Accountability, correctly experienced, is not a wandering self-help group but is safe and trusted one-anothering through mutual accountability before God alone.[3]
Take a Digital Detox
The digital universe is a false gauge of reality. Pornographic ideology can be accessed through all kinds of media outlets. It can be helpful to take a few days to intentionally limit the kind and quantity of screen time. This will take planning and communication. A digital detox provides the opportunity to recalibrate reality and renew the mind with intention to fight temptation. Don’t underestimate the influence that habitual media usage can have on the unguarded, developing heart. Intentionally retreating from the browser and replacing that time with seeking and savoring things from above will give the student the practical opportunity to re-establish appetites — savoring the things above, not yearning for what is immediately in front of them.
Get an Alarm Clock
One must admit that fighting sexual temptation is most difficult when tired. Many students use their phone as an alarm clock and keep it next to their bed at night. By default, it becomes the last thing they see at night and the first thing they see in the morning. Charging the phone in another room and buying a traditional alarm clock allows the first look of the day to be to God in time alone with Him through the reading of His Word and prayer rather than to one’s phone screen. The battle against pornography is most effective in the moment. Fretting about the past or being anxious about the future only tends to distract and discourage one’s resolve to live holy in the moment. Therefore, starting and ending the day in a manner that supports personal, physical, and spiritual health best prepares one to engage with daily resolve to pursue sexual integrity.
Practice the 15 Minute Rule
The fifteen minute rule (T15MR) is a practical training tool to help students think outside of the moment to biblically inform their present reality. Most students are willing to express self-control in the area of sexual purity for at least 15 minutes. Practicing T15MR includes several steps.
First, forecast what life would look like after surrendering to pornographic temptations. Describe the feelings and outcomes.
Second, forecast what life would look life after submitting to God’s promises. Describe the feelings and outcomes. Contrast the desired responses that motivate these actions. How do God and His promises answer the challenges of sexual temptation? How do the promises of the world compare? Which is better, and why?
Third, prepare practical action steps to fight sexual temptation that are particularly helpful in all areas of life — physically, socially, spiritually, and practically. What expressions of God’s grace can be applied in the moment of sexual temptation? How can those expressions be prioritized to capture the attention for at least 15 minutes?
The preparation and practice of T15MR helps students consider the outcome and motivation of sexual temptation and provides a practical plan for how to respond instead of react.
This plan can take time to develop and refine through experience. One of the most disheartening aspects of battling pornography is failure. Students easily get into a hole of self-pity when failure strikes. The issue is not inherently that a student sins, but how they respond to their sin that makes the transformative difference in lasting change. Repentance before God and confession to individuals directly impacted proclaims the message and work of the gospel. One must not be discouraged. The cumulative effect of pursuing holiness with a heart of worship in the moment of temptation will yield benefits well beyond 15 minutes of trial.
Enjoy Life
One must gain experience in enjoying the reality of life under God’s care. Getting outside, sharing a meal with a friend, exploring a hobby, exercising, and actively pursuing faithful members of the church are all things that the Lord has created for pleasure. More often than not, when a student begins to revitalize the palette of their soul to enjoy the world as God has created it, they realize that holiness tastes better than the fleeting pleasures of sin. The sinfulness of sin is not found in its pleasure, but in its promise of satisfaction. Eventually, the student will begin to see that everything does not need to be sexualized in order to be enjoyed. Pursuing the expressions of God’s grace in loving obedience to Him in everyday moments of life will bring ultimate satisfaction.
Question for Reflection
What are some practical tactics for battling pornography that have been most helpful to the students in your life?
[1] Raising Kids in a Screen Saturated World by Eliza Huie is a helpful book guiding through the realities of parenting children in this digitally native culture. It is an insightful and practical work for those caring for students on this issue.
[2] Finally Free by Heath Lambert is recommended reading for an articulated biblical framework toward counsel for those dealing with pornography. This is a helpful work for those of all ages. In addition, I am looking forward to reading Rescue Plan from our trusted friends, Jonathan Holmes and Deepak Reju, releasing soon from P&R.
[3] There are several internet accountability programs out there (such as Covenant Eyes) to help give technical support to those battling pornography. These programs are helpful, but I would caution the confidence to prioritize these strategies over trusted accountability friendships to bring about lasting change.